


Complicated Shadows

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-30
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4446842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A unique historical Monaboyd romance taking place in 1860 during the civil war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Boy from Pennsylvania

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

I was inspired not too long ago to write this rather unique Monaboyd romance. This is just the first chapter, and while it’s a bit vague I would dearly appreciate ANY and ALL feedback. Also, while it may appear to be the work of a heterosexual fiction I assure you in no way shape or form are my characters Dominic and Kate romantically interested in each other… it’s all Monaboyd.

Also, I don't own Dom or Billy and this fiction is nothing but a work of my overly romantic mind. *cheers*

_November1862 – the vicinity of Chancellorsville, Virginia_

Screaming. Men screaming and crying in pain. It was a sound you never got used to. No matter how much it was heard in those days in those places it was a sound that haunted those who had the misfortune to hear it. In the battlefields and the hospitals it was possible for most to get used to the wounds, the sickness, even the endless blood but never the screams and the cries.  
  
Kate Williams was haunted by the sound. It wasn’t the intensity or the situation, or the fact that they came from the mouths and souls of men as typical as her brother, her cousins, uncles, neighbors, and even her own father. It was the simple fact that these cries were born and driven by fear, _terror._ They echoed in her heart, they lingered in the air and seemed to permeate her lungs and leave a bitter taste in her mouth.  
  
The screaming in the next room was no different from any other, “Another amputee,” the head nurse Ruby muttered passing by. Although no different from any other man Kate found herself drawn. She wasn’t drawn by familiarity or curiosity but drawn none the less. Kate stopped outside the operating room and suppressed a gasp. The soldier on the gurney was the boy she met two years earlier in Pennsylvania, Dominic. ‘Dom’ he had smiled ‘my brothers call me that.’ Although she rarely thought of him again she could recall in vivid detail the day they stood in Harrisburg; both on common purpose, both denied what they longed for dearly.  
  
The U.S. Army enlisting office had just denied her permission to enter the field of nursing because she was unmarried, they saw so easily through her lie and told her unmarried ladies were not to be tending wounded and sick soldiers. Lastly they added a considerable amount of pain to the rejection by remarking that she was too young and too _pretty_ and should take part in the war effort at home organizing charitable bazaars.

As she made her way out of the tent in the middle of the town square Kate was still trying to reason in her mind how the army could turn away willing, competent help in this needy war when she saw him. A boy about her age, not especially handsome but proud looking. The makeshift uniform he was wearing was too big for his thin frame, his stature shorter than that of most of those around him, his posture that of a young farm boy trying to appear tougher than he really was. When he saw her he smiled, his grin held no threat or danger, it wasn’t lecherous or deceitful, and she found herself momentarily wondering if his Momma expected him home for dinner. He tipped his head in acknowledgement to which she nodded respectfully.  
  
“NEXT!” the enlisting officer screamed. The boy nearly jumped a mile. “Son if you’re gonna fight in the U.S. Army your going to have to be a little more alert and a little less concerned about young nurses.” A dozen or more eyes turned in her direction. Kate felt her face go red when she realized she had been standing there just staring at him for heaven knows how long. Kate picked up the material of the plain brown medical dress and forced her feet to carry her back to the boarding house as quickly as possible.  
  
Kate remembered how heavy her heart felt as she walked through town. She dearly wanted to dedicate her life to something that mattered. Her life needed more than the domesticity expected of her at home and she felt her life meant more than that. Now that she had been denied what she felt was her only chance to fulfill her purpose and her meaning and she felt shattered. The horror of it all was beginning to penetrate her indignant shock and she suddenly felt exhausted.  
  
Kate went to bed early that night without supper. She awoke in the middle of the night tangled in the linens and bedclothes. Her room had been stuffy and stale and she had gone out onto the porch seeking fresh air. “Ma’am?” Kate nearly screamed pulling her robe tighter around her. “I’m sorry I scared you, don’t be afraid… it’s me.” The boy standing in line at the enlistment tent. She couldn’t see him very well in the darkness meaning he probably couldn’t see her very well either, she saw this as a reward considering she was improperly dressed and unchaperoned in the middle of night talking to a strange man.

“I-I thought the new recruits left for Washington City already.” She whispered.  
  
“They did. They didn’t want me with ‘em.” He stated as if it didn’t matter.  
  
“I’m sorry.” She replied, in her heart she was glad he wouldn’t have to endure the brutality of war. She turned to go back inside.  
  
“Ma’am, you’re a nurse? I know it isn’t the law, but if you could tell me if you’ve heard any news of a Lieutenant Boyd in-”  
  
“I am not a nurse, I was rejected as well.”  
  
“Oh I’m sorry Ms.?”  
  
“Kate Williams... _Mrs._ Kate Williams.” She still couldn’t pull that lie out of her pocket so easily.  
  
“Mrs. Williams, Dominic Monaghan.” He extended his hand. She hesitated looking at it for a moment; her society manners contradicting her urge to take his hand. He withdrew his hand in embarrassment just as her nerve nearly won; she turned her face away feeling vain and rude. “My brothers call me Dom.” He added shyly.  
  
“Why did they send you away?”  
  
“Lots of reasons; my age, my height,” he shook his head “the officer said I should come back when I’ve grown into my ears. I told him at least I could hear rebels coming for miles.” He laughed. Kate smiled.  
  
“Where’s your home Dominic?”  
  
“Johnsonville, Pennsylvania. You Ma’am?”  
  
“West Point, New York.”  
  
Dominic swallowed hard at the mention of the city that took his friend and lover away from him and changed him into a soldier and not so long ago.

“Your husband and family don’t mind you down here alone?” She opened her mouth to say sarcastically ‘What family?’ but instead sighed at the realization that she would have to go home and face them having failed and having proved them right. She’d have to go home and try to conform to their wishes and expectations. Kate sighed again holding back a few tears looking at Dominic. He was staring intently at her his eyes glassy and for a moment she thought she saw the same pain in his eyes. They regarded each other silently, a deep understanding passed between them in the silence.  
  
“It was nice meeting you Dominic.” She extended her hand to him, which he took without hesitation, and with perhaps a little devotion.  
  
“Maybe we’ll meet again Mrs. Williams.”  
  
“Kate.”  
  
“Goodnight Mrs. Williams.”

Indeed maybe they would meet again, perhaps the terms and conditions should have been specified. Kate momentarily wondered how he had succeeded admittance into the army and how long he’d been fighting. She hoped his entry into the army was as proud and rebellious, fitting for a boy of his spirit. She would make a point of asking him as he recovered - ‘if he lives’ her mind added wistfully. Truly more and more soldiers were dying due to disease rather than bullets or cannonballs.

Two doctors fought Dominic as he thrashed wildly on the gurney. His face was scruffy; his blond hair caked with blood. He looked more like a man now than the boy she met in Pennsylvania did, but he still looked too young to have to endure the misery of war. Dr. Jamison rummaged a nearby supply crate.  
  
“Mrs. Williams.” Dr. Jamison called in disgust “Please find me the chloroform, if this kid doesn’t stop I swear I’ll let the gangrene take him.” Dominic was hysterically crying now; his babble was somewhat unintelligible but he knew what was awaiting him. He pleaded and begged the doctors for his arm to be spared, he begged God, he pleaded “Billy, Billy,” he pleaded for his Momma. By the time Kate found the drug her hands were shaking so badly she slopped unnecessary amounts of chloroform all over the rag, herself, and the floor.  
  
She turned to face Dominic who was so caught up his distracting the doctors from their task he didn’t see her. With a trembling hand she lay the cloth over his nose and mouth. He lay back slowly fighting till the last minute. He stared up at her with glassy eyes; it wasn’t until a few seconds later when his eyes softened seemingly in acknowledgement rather than the chemical that Kate thought he might have recognized her. She lay her other hand on this fevered brow stroking gently “It’s alright Dominic, you’re going to be alright Dom. _I promise you._ ” his eyes wavered slightly then closed.


	2. The Meaning of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _\'You didn’t really think it would always be like this did you?\' Soft sobs were Billy's response._

  
_August 1859 - Johnsonville, Pennsylvania_

They stumbled through the woods toward the lake. They paused kissing and laughing, tugging each other along. Dominic was the first to hit the water already naked. Billy couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get his clothes off. Billy dove in relishing the feeling of the cool water on the hot August evening. He came up with the metallic taste of lake-water in his mouth.

Billy turned searching for Dominic in the darkness in the still water. “Dom?” he whispered. At that moment he felt Dominic swim playfully through his legs.

Dominic surfaced taking Billy in his arms grinning. “I don’t recall it ever being this hot before.” Dominic’s tongue slithered into Billy’s mouth.

“Aye.” Billy sighed a moment later.

They bobbed quietly in the water for awhile. Dominic turned to take Billy in his arms from behind. He kissed Billy’s neck and paused to trace a few freckles on his friend’s skin.

Billy laughed “Tickles.”

Dominic decided he’d give Billy another sensation and bit down into the soft sensitive flesh on his shoulder. Billy laughed jerking away, kicking off of Dominic’s body to swim a little farther away.

They took turns arching their backs in the water letting the other swim underneath.  
Dominic dove on top of Billy pushing him down into the water and holding him down for a kiss. They bobbed to the surface laughing.  
  
Billy began to wrestle Dominic in the water, to which Dominic delightfully and playfully fought him. Their movements began to affect each other physically.

“I love you.” Dominic breathed in Billy’s wet hair.

“Don’t say tha’.” Billy laughed “You doon’t know what love is.”

“I _know_ I love you.” Dominic tenderly traced Billy’s lips with his fingertips his other hand underwater caressing Billy’s cock. Billy sighed smiling. “You’re not really going to leave are you?” Dominic’s frowned his eyes seemed to be pouting.

“O’course I am leaving Dom… I’ve reached the age of 25, tha’s all the my family has been waiting for.”

“But you don’t want to go?”

“You don’t understand Dominic I _have_ ta go to West Point.”

“Is that what _you_ want?”

“It’s noot about what I want.” Dominic frowned painfully. “I don’t expect you to understand,” his voice softened into what was meant to be a comforting tone but only made Dominic feel babyish and naive. “Sometimes we have to do what is expected of us, and it may no’ be somethin’ we want but have ta do for our own good.”

Dominic pushed away from him in disgust. He trudged toward the shore ignoring Billy’s pleading voice behind him.

Dominic never felt sadder; when Billy left for the academy he would be gone for years only to be home at Christmas. He didn’t think he could bear to be without him for that long. Tears welded up in his eyes as he treaded along the shore collecting his clothes. Billy ran up behind him. Dominic pushed away Billy’s hands, but Billy the stronger of the two held Dominic by the forearms and wouldn’t let him go.

“Dom what is your problem?”

“You can’t leave me Billy.” His lips trembled, the tears welling up inside him threatened to break him. “I thought I was yours and… that… you were mine.” The irritated look on Billy’s face was all it took to open the floodgates. Billy angrily squeezed Dominic by the arms confronting yet again the inevitable.

“This again. What did you think Dom? I told you a thousand times-” Billy stopped realizing he was shouting. He let Dominic sink to the beach sobbing.

A few moments passed before Billy took Dominic in his arms crying curling into a ball like a child against his chest “I don’t want you to cry Dom. I don’t want you to be sad. You didn’t really think it would always be like this did you?” Soft sobs were Billy’s response. Billy rocked him a little. “I will always love you Dom.” Dominic snorted reeling backward. There were no words to convey his anger, his hurt.

Billy pushed him gently backward into the sand and leaned over him showering his face with kisses. Dominic fought for a few minutes, but Billy didn’t seem to notice or care.

Eventually Dominic’s body surrendered to Billy’s ever knowing caresses. And as Billy entered Dominic they sighed, their hips rocked together and it was as usual. Somehow for the most part everything was mended and they ignored the things that couldn’t be.

They made love like nothing had happened surrounded by a peaceful calm that felt like dawn before a battle.

*****

_November1862_

Familiar cool hands were stroking Dominic’s fevered brow. A low masculine voice laced with Scottish lineage drifted over him.

Dominic’s head flops to the side; much to his surprise the simple motion feels as if he’s fallen through the earth. He panics, scared and frustrated his heart pounds as he tries to catch himself. His heart abruptly stops at the realization that he cannot see.

“Buhhh- Bbbullehh?” his own voice sounds foreign to him, unmistakably droopy and slow. He feels hot tears rushing to the surface and a sob chokes his throat. “Bulehhh I canna seeeee.” Dominic waits breathless for Billy’s response, his help.

“Dominic,” Billy whispers “open your eyes.”

Was it really that simple? How could he have not known to simply open his eyes? Although his image was somewhat blurry Billy was kneeling above him.

It occurred to Dominic that this was the first time in a year that Dominic had seen Billy. Billy smiled placing a kiss on his forehead. Dominic frowned; there was a gash on Billy’s forehead that was bleeding profusely.

“Bill you’re bleeding.”

Billy ignored him leaning in to kiss his neck. Dominic gasped at the familiar feeling of Billy’s tongue working magic on his skin. He nearly cried out when he felt Billy’s hand sneak down between his legs.

Dominic’s eyes snapped open and for the first time he noticed they were laying in the backyard of his family’s home in Pennsylvania. Billy’s fingers were enticing an erection through his uniform trousers. Billy’s boldness was unheard of and he squeezed Billy’s shoulder. Dominic was about to verbally protest when he realized not only were they laying there in broad daylight, they were not alone.

Billy and Dominic’s family and neighbors surrounded them scattered about the lawn mingling as if at a picnic among dozens of dead soldiers on the grass.

It was then that it hit him. ‘I’m dead.’ He thought. ‘I’ve died and gone to hell.’

Billy laughed smiling down at him “No my dear Dom, i’s worse than tha’… you’re alive in hell.”


End file.
